The ABCs of my Infertility

A- areola, I study them daily and ask myself, are they bigger? darker, maybe?
B- bitchy. Every one of you knows exactly what I mean. Whoa hormones!
C- cervical mucous. I check it. all. the. time.
D- dildocam. Gotta love it.
E- eggwhite. the reason I check my cervical mucous so often. I need to seee it.
F- fucking with purpose. I have always believed in this, now there are just 2 purposes.
G- goo. Tons of different kinds of goo. My goo, his goo, fake goo, real goo. Dr Seuss so could have written books for infertiles.
H- hell. I feel like I am there a few days a month. In my hell you just cry and feel alone, like noone identifies with you.
I- infertile. I bet you are surprised, huh?
J- jumping up and down. I do this when I get a smiley face. Then I stop, because I don't want to jump the sperm out of the egg.
K- killer headaches. I thought I was immune to the Clomid headache. Oh was I ever wrong about that.
L- love. Infertility is making me realize just how much I love T and B.
M- moved to tears. I find that atleast 1 story a day moves me to tears.
N- never. I am at a place I never thought I'd be doing things I never thought I'd be doing. It is very humbling.
O- ovulation. The thing you have to do, but don't do, or maybe you do. You can just never do it good enough and there is no way to train for it. Sucks.
P- POAS (peeing on a stick). I love it. I. am. addicted. I pee on OPKs like they are going out of style then I pee on HPTs starting at about 7 DPO. Boy am I embarrassed that I told you that.
Q- q-tip test. I just discovered this last month. It's how I knew to expect AF. It's gross. And embarassing. And fun.
R- rara! Sometimes I like to pretend to be a cheerleader for the sperm and my egg. You have no idea how awkward it is to cheer for both teams.
S- sex. On the couch. In the bed. On the floor. Pretty much anywhere. Who cares as long as it works.
T- taking charge of my own care. I had to do this, don't be surprised if you do too.
U- uvula. It's all I got, lol.
V- vagina. Very important.
W- wicked witch. I have turned into a wicked, evil witch with all of this bitterness and hatred I have going on.
X- xray. I got one and it hurt. Ok, it was an HSG but still.
Y- youth. I long for it. Those days when things were great and I had no idea the rollercoaster ride I was in for.
Z- zee end. ahahahahahahahaha. I'm sooo funny.

Smiley face, no smiley face

I got a smiley face on my OPK yesterday and then a negative today. I already ovulated with 1 days notice. OMFG. Thank goodness we took care of business, lol.

Question for some of you ladies. TMI coming up. This cycle a lot changed for me. I started taking metformin along with the clomd I was already on. I also had an HSG. These past few days I have had sooooooo much EWCM. I am guessing that is a good sign that things are working pretty well in there. Anyone else who has done any of this notice this change?

Tomorrow or the next day, the ABCs of infertility. Oh yeah. I know you're excited.

Just a quick thanks.

I appreciate all of the positive feedback on my last post about the hard decision that we made int he last post. I feel better knowing that other people think it is good too. Thank you all!!!!

Hard decisions

So, we have an RE appointment scheduled for March 3. That is next week and I just realized this yesterday. I think we decided yesterday that I will reschedule for 3 months from now. T will have his sexy-time with a cup. I will excercise, eat better and give the metformin some time to work. Also, I want to give it the 3 months after HSG and hope hope hope that we get knocked up. We decided to hold off because we have not had T's SA yet and I had all these changes in this last cycle. I just want to give things time to work before we go there asking for an IUI. I would really like to get pregnant for free, ya know. Anyway, that is where we are now. I am happy with it, T is happy with it and i think we both feel really good about the next few cycles. I feel like we have good things going for us. I guess the real test will be the 7 DPO progesterone draw to see if the metformin helped this cycle or not. Then I will talk to her more about progesterone suppositories for the 2WW. And upping the Clomid to 100mg because I refuse to do another 50mg cycle.

Welcome ICLW!

I see that most of the blogs that I go to during ICLW have a little introduction about themselves so I thought I'd do that too. I am Leda. T and I have been married for a year and a half and TTC for almost 2 years. We got pregnant in February of 2009 (last year) but lost that baby at 10 weeks on April 23. We have been trying since. Currently I am mid-cycle and have not ovulated yet. We are on our 3rd round of Clomid and I had an HSG last week so we are hoping for an HSG baby. We have a son, B, who is 6. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in April of 2007. I guess that's about it. Enjoy!

ETA: I decided I would do the ABCs of me. I just want to.

A- Alaska, the state I want to visit the most
B- is for B obviously, the coolest and cutest kid on the block, sometimes I can't believe he is our kid, lol
C- Cash, which we have none of, lol
D- dildocam, one of my favorite words to make people uncomfortable
E- Energy, something I am going to need for an awesome project I have planned (details to come soon)
F- fertile bitchs, sometimes you just have to be jealous
G- Gilmore Girls, I watch it every day
H- House Bunny, a horrible movie I watch all the time, it's so bad it's good
I- infertile, duh
J- Juno, just a little something I like to torture myself with
K- kiddos, they are why we are all here
L- love, I am just so absolutely full of it everytime I look into T's eyes or B's smile
M- movies, we are slightly addicted
N- Netflix, see above
O- orange, one of my favorite colors, it's so bright
P- pumpkins, they make me happy because I know it's fall
Q- Qdoba, I effing hate it
R- rude people, they are a major pet peeve of mine (so is the saying "pet peeve")
S- sexy-time. enough said.
T- is for the man in my life, T. I couldn't have found anyone more perfect for me
U- uranus, a joke that never gets old
V- vagina, I have one
W- winky, T has one
X- xylophone, I always thought it was crappy that the X alphabet card had such a long crazy doesn't make sense to a kid kind of word on it
Y- yummy, I love to cook delicious food
Z- zoo, our house looks like one

That was fun. I will do an infertility one soon.

Wow, that was fast

Here I am, already on CD 13 and just realized it when I went on fertility friend, lol. Seems crazy. I thought I was feeling some pain yesterday and that would explain it. I was afraid that the antibioitic didn't work and the HSG gave me an infection. I really have nothing to write about as far as fertility goes but I have had good news and great things to look forward to and get my mind off of IF every now and then. First, we had a new flat screen installed today! Yay us, we finally joined the rest of the world. T said he is a little disappointed just because now he doesn't have it to look forward to anymore. Also, I booked out trip to Disney World. We think B is just the right age and we will be there on a Star Wars weekend. I have tons already planned and tons left to plan as well. I have been so caught up in all of this that I lost track of my cycle, lol. Hope you are all well! Thanks for being there ladies!

Today

We have a shit-ton of snow once again and I am having an HSG done. The roads are "treacherous" as someone on the morning news said. I hate it. I hope it's not a bad sign. T is taking me so I feel a little better. Mostly I feel like crying when I think about it because I am so afraid they will find something. If they find something I don't know what it means, but I know it's not good. Does it mean we are done trying because it is never gonna work? Also, what does it mean if they find nothing? Why am I not actually ovulating? So many things to worry about now. My HSG is in 2 1/2 hours. I will update once we get back home


**UPDATE**
They said my tubes are all clear. Good news! Hopefully I will have an after HSG pregnancy!