The ABCs of my Infertility

A- areola, I study them daily and ask myself, are they bigger? darker, maybe?
B- bitchy. Every one of you knows exactly what I mean. Whoa hormones!
C- cervical mucous. I check it. all. the. time.
D- dildocam. Gotta love it.
E- eggwhite. the reason I check my cervical mucous so often. I need to seee it.
F- fucking with purpose. I have always believed in this, now there are just 2 purposes.
G- goo. Tons of different kinds of goo. My goo, his goo, fake goo, real goo. Dr Seuss so could have written books for infertiles.
H- hell. I feel like I am there a few days a month. In my hell you just cry and feel alone, like noone identifies with you.
I- infertile. I bet you are surprised, huh?
J- jumping up and down. I do this when I get a smiley face. Then I stop, because I don't want to jump the sperm out of the egg.
K- killer headaches. I thought I was immune to the Clomid headache. Oh was I ever wrong about that.
L- love. Infertility is making me realize just how much I love T and B.
M- moved to tears. I find that atleast 1 story a day moves me to tears.
N- never. I am at a place I never thought I'd be doing things I never thought I'd be doing. It is very humbling.
O- ovulation. The thing you have to do, but don't do, or maybe you do. You can just never do it good enough and there is no way to train for it. Sucks.
P- POAS (peeing on a stick). I love it. I. am. addicted. I pee on OPKs like they are going out of style then I pee on HPTs starting at about 7 DPO. Boy am I embarrassed that I told you that.
Q- q-tip test. I just discovered this last month. It's how I knew to expect AF. It's gross. And embarassing. And fun.
R- rara! Sometimes I like to pretend to be a cheerleader for the sperm and my egg. You have no idea how awkward it is to cheer for both teams.
S- sex. On the couch. In the bed. On the floor. Pretty much anywhere. Who cares as long as it works.
T- taking charge of my own care. I had to do this, don't be surprised if you do too.
U- uvula. It's all I got, lol.
V- vagina. Very important.
W- wicked witch. I have turned into a wicked, evil witch with all of this bitterness and hatred I have going on.
X- xray. I got one and it hurt. Ok, it was an HSG but still.
Y- youth. I long for it. Those days when things were great and I had no idea the rollercoaster ride I was in for.
Z- zee end. ahahahahahahahaha. I'm sooo funny.

Smiley face, no smiley face

I got a smiley face on my OPK yesterday and then a negative today. I already ovulated with 1 days notice. OMFG. Thank goodness we took care of business, lol.

Question for some of you ladies. TMI coming up. This cycle a lot changed for me. I started taking metformin along with the clomd I was already on. I also had an HSG. These past few days I have had sooooooo much EWCM. I am guessing that is a good sign that things are working pretty well in there. Anyone else who has done any of this notice this change?

Tomorrow or the next day, the ABCs of infertility. Oh yeah. I know you're excited.

Just a quick thanks.

I appreciate all of the positive feedback on my last post about the hard decision that we made int he last post. I feel better knowing that other people think it is good too. Thank you all!!!!

Hard decisions

So, we have an RE appointment scheduled for March 3. That is next week and I just realized this yesterday. I think we decided yesterday that I will reschedule for 3 months from now. T will have his sexy-time with a cup. I will excercise, eat better and give the metformin some time to work. Also, I want to give it the 3 months after HSG and hope hope hope that we get knocked up. We decided to hold off because we have not had T's SA yet and I had all these changes in this last cycle. I just want to give things time to work before we go there asking for an IUI. I would really like to get pregnant for free, ya know. Anyway, that is where we are now. I am happy with it, T is happy with it and i think we both feel really good about the next few cycles. I feel like we have good things going for us. I guess the real test will be the 7 DPO progesterone draw to see if the metformin helped this cycle or not. Then I will talk to her more about progesterone suppositories for the 2WW. And upping the Clomid to 100mg because I refuse to do another 50mg cycle.

Welcome ICLW!

I see that most of the blogs that I go to during ICLW have a little introduction about themselves so I thought I'd do that too. I am Leda. T and I have been married for a year and a half and TTC for almost 2 years. We got pregnant in February of 2009 (last year) but lost that baby at 10 weeks on April 23. We have been trying since. Currently I am mid-cycle and have not ovulated yet. We are on our 3rd round of Clomid and I had an HSG last week so we are hoping for an HSG baby. We have a son, B, who is 6. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in April of 2007. I guess that's about it. Enjoy!

ETA: I decided I would do the ABCs of me. I just want to.

A- Alaska, the state I want to visit the most
B- is for B obviously, the coolest and cutest kid on the block, sometimes I can't believe he is our kid, lol
C- Cash, which we have none of, lol
D- dildocam, one of my favorite words to make people uncomfortable
E- Energy, something I am going to need for an awesome project I have planned (details to come soon)
F- fertile bitchs, sometimes you just have to be jealous
G- Gilmore Girls, I watch it every day
H- House Bunny, a horrible movie I watch all the time, it's so bad it's good
I- infertile, duh
J- Juno, just a little something I like to torture myself with
K- kiddos, they are why we are all here
L- love, I am just so absolutely full of it everytime I look into T's eyes or B's smile
M- movies, we are slightly addicted
N- Netflix, see above
O- orange, one of my favorite colors, it's so bright
P- pumpkins, they make me happy because I know it's fall
Q- Qdoba, I effing hate it
R- rude people, they are a major pet peeve of mine (so is the saying "pet peeve")
S- sexy-time. enough said.
T- is for the man in my life, T. I couldn't have found anyone more perfect for me
U- uranus, a joke that never gets old
V- vagina, I have one
W- winky, T has one
X- xylophone, I always thought it was crappy that the X alphabet card had such a long crazy doesn't make sense to a kid kind of word on it
Y- yummy, I love to cook delicious food
Z- zoo, our house looks like one

That was fun. I will do an infertility one soon.

Wow, that was fast

Here I am, already on CD 13 and just realized it when I went on fertility friend, lol. Seems crazy. I thought I was feeling some pain yesterday and that would explain it. I was afraid that the antibioitic didn't work and the HSG gave me an infection. I really have nothing to write about as far as fertility goes but I have had good news and great things to look forward to and get my mind off of IF every now and then. First, we had a new flat screen installed today! Yay us, we finally joined the rest of the world. T said he is a little disappointed just because now he doesn't have it to look forward to anymore. Also, I booked out trip to Disney World. We think B is just the right age and we will be there on a Star Wars weekend. I have tons already planned and tons left to plan as well. I have been so caught up in all of this that I lost track of my cycle, lol. Hope you are all well! Thanks for being there ladies!

Today

We have a shit-ton of snow once again and I am having an HSG done. The roads are "treacherous" as someone on the morning news said. I hate it. I hope it's not a bad sign. T is taking me so I feel a little better. Mostly I feel like crying when I think about it because I am so afraid they will find something. If they find something I don't know what it means, but I know it's not good. Does it mean we are done trying because it is never gonna work? Also, what does it mean if they find nothing? Why am I not actually ovulating? So many things to worry about now. My HSG is in 2 1/2 hours. I will update once we get back home


**UPDATE**
They said my tubes are all clear. Good news! Hopefully I will have an after HSG pregnancy!

Because I am boring (and bored)

I thought, in honor of Valentine's Day, I would post 143 things I love. Ya know, beacuse when people had pagers 143 was I love you. But, 143 things is a lot. So I added 1+4+3 times 10 to make 80. I think that is enough.

1. my family
2. my friends
3. the smell of clean laundry
4. the new TV that will be hanging on our wall next Saturday.
5. the excitement of our Disney trip
6. all of the distractions from being unpregnant
7. my phone
8. the internet on my phone
9. the awesome laptop i got last year
10. really cold water
11. really hot water
12. olive oil shampoo and conditioner
13. gilmore girls
14. mcleod's daughters
15. B's mohawk
16. T's long goatee
17. the anna nicole smith show
18. my fuzzy boots
19. old navy jeans
20. old navy dresses
21. reading
22. magazines
23. super duper dark chocolate
24. wedding pictures
25. paint samples
26. kevin smith
27. judd apatow
28. seth rogen
29. paul rudd
30. clueless
31. bowling
32. swimming pools
33. toys
34. new balance tennis shoes
35. blogging
36. reading blogs
37. dreaming of babies that are mine
38. the pioneer woman
39. babycenter
40. barnes and noble
41. black picture frames
42. the fact that i am gonna paint our own bedroom furniture for a revamp
43. greeting cards
44. t's western kentucky hoodie from about 10 years ago
45. jagermeister
46. the girls next door
47. purses
48. slippers
49. old navy tank tops
50. digital cameras
51. juno
52. bride wars
53. baby name books
54. pretty scarfs
55. oil burners
56. scented oils from the body shop
57. ice cream
58. smoothies
59. bananas
60. kiwis
61. cheesecake
62. that we are getting an xbox 360
63. checking the mail
64. my really old comforter
65. the duvet covers on ikea's website
66. ikea's catalog
67. NOT that we don't have an ikea
68. target
69. oatmeal
70. lists
71. posti-its
72. our dry-erase calendar
73. that people love me
74. dresses
75. jeans
76. how i met your mother
77. b in deck shoes
78. planning
79. the farmers almanac
80. that this list is over

Fucking pharmacy

As you may or may not have noticed, I am angry. I was supposed to start my Clomid yesterday but there has been some sort of mix up witht he pharmacy and GYN's office and it was never recieved. Obviously the pharmacy only checks the faxes every 3 days. So here I am a day late. I had the GYN's office call it into a different pharmacy and there it is 17.00 instead of 9 at the other. Now I am trying to get it switched back. I refuse to pay an extra 8.00 when everything is so expensive. Son of a fucking bitch.

Nothing witty to say

I hate that. I don't even know what to say about the start of my 21st cycle.

I'm excited because I have an HSG scheduled for Monday and supposedly they help you be more fertile. I will be taking my Clomid and now taking metphormin to help with ovulation. I got pregnant this cycle last year. It could make for lots of happy memories to take over all of the bad ones.

I'm scared because it could end up as a repeat of last year. Not what I want going on. I'm afraid that my heart will be more broken by this busted cycle than anything other because it was my cycle last year. I'm just scared.

I'm sad because I will constantly be worried about the baby if we do conceive this cycle. I'm sad because the last one didn't work. I'm just sad.

I have hope, but these days it is just so little that I don't know how long it will last. My HSG is scheduled for next Monday. I'm scared. I'm afraid of what they'll find and about how it will feel. I have heard lots of difrent experiences. If you had one, fill me in please!

Major TMI post

So, I got another BFN yesterday. I started getting cramps so I was sure all day yesterday and then all night long that I would have AF here in full force by now. Instead only nastey brown goo. YUCK! I am still holding out hope I guess that this could just be some implantation grossness, but I will have to wait until tomorrow to test again. I am still calling today to schedule my HSG as well as for my Clomid. I am just so sure that AF is going to be here in a few hours.

Also, I got my progesterone results. 8.8 at 8 DPO. Is that super bad?

BFN

That is all.

Another day, another test

I tested again (just as I promised). BFN of course. I am sure that a BFN is that I am getting until I get that ever-awesome period of mine. I have these 2 really great zits on my chin and they are always the surprise and unwanted call to let my know Aunt Flow is coming on over so get prepared. I will probably cry today, just so you know. THe 10 DPO BFN always breaks my heart.

Lots of news, nothing (terribley) important.

I had an appointment with my GYN today. Dr. T. up until today I felt like I had no idea what was really actually going on or what I was to do in the next cycles. I hate to waste the next four cycles of Clomid so I needed to discuss our option. I felt as though I was my own Dr during the visit. She did decide to start me on Glucophage (sp). 1 a day for 2 weeks, then 2 a day for 2 weeks, then 3 a day from there on out. I had so many questions so I will just number them and give you the answers I was given.

First, I told her all of the things we are doing now.
-OPKs
-DTD EOD until EWCM then ED until negative OPK
-4 mg folic acid (for the MTHFR mutation)
-baby aspirin (same as above)
-prenatal vitamins
-using Instead cup
-pre-seed
-Clomid 50 mg days 3-7

Now for the questions.
1. What is better for me, Clomid or Femara?
-since I am overweight the Clomid along with glucophage(sp)
2. Should I try an IUI?
-she said she thinks that would be helpful for me (see last question)
3. Should I be having a progesterone draw at 7 DPO or CD 21?
-it should be done at 7 DPO instead of CD 21 like it has been
4. Do I need CD3 FSH levels done?
-no, that checks to see if your eggs are too old and I am just 24.
5. Should I have an HSG done?
-yes, that would be beneficial, let's do it next cycle between CD 7 and 10. call to schedule on CD 1
6. When should we see an RE?
-first she said to wait 4 months, then when I ponited out that I would be through with my 6 cycles of Clomid she said now. She said the RE is who I should talk to about having an IUI.

I was going to ask about an SIS, but I have no idea what it is, lol. I will also be waiting to talk to the RE to ask about a trigger shot and whatnot. I got an appointment with an RE for March 3. I feel like that is forever away, I guess because it is. It kind of sucks that I will be in the middle of a cycle. She also told me that I need to get some of this weight off. I am thinking of starting a weightloss blog as well, but I don't know. I need something to make me accountable. Poor T, I always try to get him to do it but I think he feels bad telling me no when I want an ice cream or something. Wii Fit, here I come!

In other, cycle related, news I am on CD 27 and 9 DPO. I am not having any of the cramps I have been the past few cycles before AF and I have lots of creamy CM. It's looking good I guess, lol.

And the race is on

I tested this morning. BFN. Even though I feel like I see the slightest of lines, I'm sure I don't. I'm sure it is just the indention in the test and me wanting there to be color there.

I will be testing EOD until AF or BFP. Another update will come on Thursday. If I can figure shit out with my camera then I will take a picture and get some opinions.