Friday, February 26, 2010

The ABCs of my Infertility

A- areola, I study them daily and ask myself, are they bigger? darker, maybe?
B- bitchy. Every one of you knows exactly what I mean. Whoa hormones!
C- cervical mucous. I check it. all. the. time.
D- dildocam. Gotta love it.
E- eggwhite. the reason I check my cervical mucous so often. I need to seee it.
F- fucking with purpose. I have always believed in this, now there are just 2 purposes.
G- goo. Tons of different kinds of goo. My goo, his goo, fake goo, real goo. Dr Seuss so could have written books for infertiles.
H- hell. I feel like I am there a few days a month. In my hell you just cry and feel alone, like noone identifies with you.
I- infertile. I bet you are surprised, huh?
J- jumping up and down. I do this when I get a smiley face. Then I stop, because I don't want to jump the sperm out of the egg.
K- killer headaches. I thought I was immune to the Clomid headache. Oh was I ever wrong about that.
L- love. Infertility is making me realize just how much I love T and B.
M- moved to tears. I find that atleast 1 story a day moves me to tears.
N- never. I am at a place I never thought I'd be doing things I never thought I'd be doing. It is very humbling.
O- ovulation. The thing you have to do, but don't do, or maybe you do. You can just never do it good enough and there is no way to train for it. Sucks.
P- POAS (peeing on a stick). I love it. I. am. addicted. I pee on OPKs like they are going out of style then I pee on HPTs starting at about 7 DPO. Boy am I embarrassed that I told you that.
Q- q-tip test. I just discovered this last month. It's how I knew to expect AF. It's gross. And embarassing. And fun.
R- rara! Sometimes I like to pretend to be a cheerleader for the sperm and my egg. You have no idea how awkward it is to cheer for both teams.
S- sex. On the couch. In the bed. On the floor. Pretty much anywhere. Who cares as long as it works.
T- taking charge of my own care. I had to do this, don't be surprised if you do too.
U- uvula. It's all I got, lol.
V- vagina. Very important.
W- wicked witch. I have turned into a wicked, evil witch with all of this bitterness and hatred I have going on.
X- xray. I got one and it hurt. Ok, it was an HSG but still.
Y- youth. I long for it. Those days when things were great and I had no idea the rollercoaster ride I was in for.
Z- zee end. ahahahahahahahaha. I'm sooo funny.


Kelly said...

You are too funny! I thought about this with acronyms that will never be the same since TTC also.

PFM said...

That was some list. the abc's of infertility.

AKD said...

This post was so clever, and made me smile. :) I have honestly never heard of the q-tip test!

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

Hey there, here from ICLW. Loved G-the joke about Dr Suess really made me smile! "R" is funny as well!
take care

Kristin said...

Great version of the ABCs post. I really identified with N.


Browniris said...

Some of these were hilarious! I have never heard of the Q-tip test...what is that? Do you just stick a Q-tip up your vag?

Leda said...

In a word, Browniris, yes. You stick it up there, swirl it around a little to look for signs of AF. Gross, but addictive.