How nice

I got a call last night. It was just out of the blue and so very nice. My gyno called to congratulate me. I just thought it was very sweet. Even though I am aware that they don't really remember each and every patient they have, I do appreciate the fact that this office takes the time to make you feel special. My OB is in the same office (of around 12 physicians, half GYN, half OB pretty much) so I know that is how she found out. It was just so nice.

It feels a little strange that I am still only 6 weeks, lol. On Friday it will be 7 and that will be nice. Finally! I will do my 7 weeks post then. I am going a little crazy, lol. I sat on the couch last night watching "Ghost Whisperer" and crying. It was just so sad. I have always thought it was a poorly written and acted show but it has become an addiction for me. I have to watch it everytime it's on. I also started watching "McLeod's Daughter's" on Netflix again. I love it. I want to be Australian and work on a big beautiful farm. You should check it out! Also, I have been watching "Reba" like everyday. Also, a new symptom I think I am getting is random shortness of breath. Like last night, I was just sitting on the couch watching TV and all of the sudden I couldn't catch my breath. Then I started to feel dizzy. Blah!

Here it is

Oh my freaking god! Turkey-lurkey measured exactly 6 weeks today which is perfect based on my O date and now my EDD is 11-19-10. There was even a heartbeat that was at 106. Soooooo exciting. And here is a picture of it. It is blurry because we have no scanner and it is a picture of a picture.

Freaking the fuck out

I am really, really, really starting to freak out. My ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow at 9 am and I am soooooo scared. I even took another test today to make sure it is still darker. Today's $Tree test was darker than the control line so that made me feel good about it. I am just so scared that there will be nothing there or that there will be no heartbeat or something else crazy like that. T wants to have friends over on Saturday because he is planning on smoking some babyback ribs, but I told him we can't invite anyone until we know how things go tomorrow. I am just to scared to make plans. I also have an interview tomorrow afternoon at 1 and I am terrified that I am going to have to cancel it because I get bad news. I have been telling myself over and over that I was not going to freak out about this but now I suddenly am and T is not. He is so confident that things will be fine, that it couldn't possibly happen to us again. Oh. my. god. I am flipping out. I don't even know if I will be able to sleep tonight. I know I will get up super early in the morning. I'm so scared to go that I kinda wanna forget about it.

6 weeks

I love that my weeks start on Monday. It makes things so easy to keep up with. There isn't much going on around here this week. Doing a little spring cleaning. Searching for baby stuff because we like to be prepared. We have an appointment for an ultrasound on Friday when I will be 6w4d. As it is getting closer I am getting more worried. I am absolutely terrified that there will be nothing there. It will just be empty, no baby, no heartbeat, maybe not even a sac. I told T about this last week and I cried. I hate that I thought this.

The good: Still pregnant! No spotting, bleeding or anything! A little TMI here, the sex is awesome! I feel like cleaning which is amazing, lol.

The bad: Peeing all the time. Constipation or diarheaa. Sooooo bloated.

The ugly: Still really bitchy. Acne. Hemeroids. Woo! Boy am I emotional. yesterday we went to look for stencils and stuff too go with the nursery themes we have chosen then to the fabric store to look for fabrics for wall hangings. T's Mom passed away in May 2008, she loved to sew and I got all emotional leaving the fabric store. I couldn't stop myself from crying because I know how much she would have loved to make things for our baby. How happy she would have been for us. And here I sit again, crying. It just breaks my heart that she won't be here for this.

A little ICLW message

I want to give all of you the heads up on this blog. When I signed up for LFCA I thought this was the same as usual, a no-go but now I am pregannt. If you need to turn away now, I understand and commend you on doing so. Good luck ladies! Thanks for stopping by!

Something I stole

I stole this from a really good friend. I thought it was a good idea to keep track of everything I am going through. The normal update will be on Mondays but I wanted to get started now, lol.

5 weeks-

The good: I am pregant! I haven't puked. My boobs are filling out. I am looking at (and have purchased a few) items from the maternity section.

The bad: It's either constipation or diarheaa. Nausea keeps me from eating food I usually like. I'm having an aversion to chocolate. I have lost 3 lbs but can't buttin my pants because of the bloat.

The ugly: I am MEAN. I am impatient. I am starving all the time but nothing sounds good. Hemmeroids.

I just don't know

Every time that I think I will post I cry. I have no idea what to say. I don't want to hurt anyone by posting things that may break hearts. I don't want people to think I am trying to show off or throw it in their face that I am pregnant. Things that I want to post I just don't know about. I want to tell you how scared I am that next Friday there will be nothing on that screen. I want to say how broken hearted I will be if things don't work out. I'd love to say that I realized over the weekend that I think it is too early to do things, to get obsessed, to start looking and making decisions. I remember how it broke my heart the last time. We had names, had decided on bedding and room decor. T wants to look, he is sooo excited for this baby and everything that comes along with it. I am also very afraid that we won't get to make our Disney trip. There is a pretty strong possibility that I have an incompetent cervix and could develop pre-eclampsia earlier in pregnancy this time and a trip to walk around 3-5 miles a day could just be way too much. I will feel horrible if we can't go but even if we are given the OK I think I will be too scared to really enjoy it. I just don't know how to feel, what to write, or even do.

Some stuff

First of all, thank you everyone for the congratulations! And thanks to whoever submitted my news to LFCA! That was so sweet! It was nice to have someone else say Leda is pregnant, I may have cried. I won't completely only write about pregnancy, but it will be here. If you have to stop reading, believe me, I understand. I always read the pregnancy blogs because I was just so happy that it could happen for them. But I also know just how hard it is to read them. Long story short, whatever your decision I understand.

I feel like I need to tell you all how terrible I am feeling, guilty even, that it is me and not all of you. I also feel terrible because I am scared to death and not scared all at the same time. I haven't been feeling nervous but I have also tested 2 times a day every day since Saturday. I am out of test now and the fear is kicking in. I realized that the fear is caused by the fact that I won't be able to test tomorrow morning first thing and know it's true. I will be stopping at the $Tree when I pick up Papa Murphy's pizza tomorrow, they are next door, lol.

I have an appointment for an ultrasound on March 26 at 6w4d then if all is well my OB history on April 6 at 8w and another appointment for ultrasound on May 4 at 12w. That's pretty much it for right now. I will continue testing daily just to be sure of things. The line has been getting darker so that is good news. It was pretty dark at 12 DPO today so I am really happy with that! I will update more later.

Book Giveaway

I have 3 books that I have been meaning to get rid of and decided to do it today. It's not because I am pregnant but because I have learned all I can from them. I will give them to the first comment for each. Tell me which one you want. First come first serve. Click on them to see the book on a website.

A Few Good Eggs

Getting Pregnant

Waiting for Daisy

Do you know me in real life?

I am not really sure if anyone I know in my real life reads this blog. If you do then don't share our secret. We aren't going to tell anyone until I am around 13 weeks. Buuuuuuuuttttttt, if I do know you and you read this let me know so I can talk to you about it. PLEASE!!!!!!! Like, ya know, text me or something.

So, ummmmm. yeah.

I'm pregnant. Fucking pregnant. Holy Shit!!!!

Down 4 lbs since Wednesday!

I am so excited!!!!! I started out on Wednesday at 275 and today I am 271! I know my weig-ins are Mondays but I had to tell you so that if on Monday I have not lost as mcuh, I have this, lol.

Since we are "taking a break"

I am gonna keep posting my feelings on infertility. I can't stop that. I will *maybe* even post cycle stats, who knows? One thing I do know for sure is I am also going to be chronicling my weight loss journey here. I ain't skeered. I will be posting my weight every week (on Mondays) and the things that I do. Maybe daily, but most likely every other day so I don't bore you too awful much. Are you guys all OK with this? Anyone wanna join me? I'm calling this journey "Losing weight to gain a baby" and that is what I will title the posts with in case you don't care to read them, lol.

Anybody with me?

The appointment

I know, I know. I wasn't supposed to have this appointment with the RE but I did anyway. Pretty much I heard that I need to lose 75 pounds and to take a medical intervention break for 3-6 months. He thinks I will get pregnant on my own during this time as long as I dedicate myself to losing the weight and getting healthy. T decided that is what we will do and we mean it this time. I am looking for something to get into that will make me accountable. I need a workout buddy or something. I thought about weight watchers but I just don't know. We have gotten rid of the bad foods and I burned 200 calories on the WiiFit. I will be doing that 3 times a day. Once in the morning before everyone wakes up, again midday after lunch then at night while we watch TV or whatever. I love it because there is a free step option where you step up onto the balance board then off and it counts your steps. You change it over to the TV and listen to the controller. I love it!

He said that my next step is injectables and that would up my multiple risk because I am only 24. I (from what he says) would be at risk of all sorts of things if I were to carry multiples because of my Rheumatoid Arthritis and the fact that I had Pre-Eclampsia. I am going to schedule T's SA for very soon and get that over with. I have a few things they are testing for. I think insulin and whatnot and thyroid and prolactin. I think that's it. If I think of anything else I will be back to update.

I know that BrownIris had her RE consult today too and I cannot wait for her to tell us all about it!


PS. I am 7 DPO and still hopeful for this cycle. Who knows? It could happen!

My-ology

First, boring boring boring. I'm 5 DPO. Scared about being pregnant (I'll address this in another post later when I can get my feeling sorted). Excited about the big possibility that I am. I have had extremely light spotting for 2 days. I am also having lower back pain and some lower abdominal pain. I have been reading about a few ladies who have cysts, so now I am totally paranoid.

This was over on Mrs. Joyner's blog .I was excited when I saw it because I am really into quizzes and whatnot lately (incase you couldn't notice). Obviously, I am supposed to tag some people. I tag all of you! So do it!



FOODOLOGY:

What is your salad dressing of choice? french or catalina

What is your favorite sit-down restuarant? Hmmmm. I really like Texas Roadhouse but i also love Olive Garden.

What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Taco Bell

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Taco Bell supreme burrito

What are your pizza toppings of choice? pepperoni and mushrooms

How many televisions are in your house? 3

What color cell phone do you have? teal and black



BIOLOGY:

Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? my appendix

What is the last heavy item you lifted? a new shelf thinie we got for B's room

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? never

Have you ever fainted? when I was younger, like 11 or so I would pass out pretty often



BULLCRAPOLOGY:

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? hell no!

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I wouldn't

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? oh lord, 12ish

Last person you talked to? my hunny-bunny



FAVORITOLOGY:

Season: fall. the weather, the holidays, the colors

Holiday? Halloween

Day of the week? Saturday. It is me and T all day.

Month? October

Color? hot pink and orange

Drink? water or coca-cola classic

Alcoholic? jagermeister and monster



CURRENTOLOGY:

Missing someone? T of course

What are you listening to? The 48 Hours Special on the West Memphis 3 (you should check it out and spread the word)

What are you watching? same as above

Worrying about? a lot and nothing at the same time

What's the last movie you saw? Tenacious D (I <3 Jack Black)

Do you smile often? I do. It's my favorite past-time

If you could change your eye color what would it be? I wouldn't

What's on your wish list for your birthday? I want a Kindle, but that is too expensive. I will settle for a Georgia MudFudge Blizzard Cake from Dairy Queen

Can you do a chin-up? well of course...not

Does the future make you more nervous or excited? it depends on the day

Have you been in a car wreck? I have

Have you caused a car wreck? 2

Do you have an accent? I don't think so

Last time you cried? today and I won't discuss it

Plans tonight? dinner and TV

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? I have

Name three things you bought yesterday? easter candy, nail clippers and T a contact case

Have you met someone who changed your life? my hunny-bunny

For the better or worse? better, duh

How did you bring in the New Year? not drinking because I was 2wwing it.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? maybe

What songs do you sing in the shower? none

Have you held hands with someone today? nope

Who was the last person you took a picture of? B

Are most of the friends in your life new or old? not new or old

Do you like pulpy orange juice? goodness no

Last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? it's been over a month at least

What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? sleeping

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? did T put his clothes in the dryer last night? also, is it to early to test?