The many ramblings of an Infertile Myrtle who is sometimes to jealous for her own good.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
I just don't know
Every time that I think I will post I cry. I have no idea what to say. I don't want to hurt anyone by posting things that may break hearts. I don't want people to think I am trying to show off or throw it in their face that I am pregnant. Things that I want to post I just don't know about. I want to tell you how scared I am that next Friday there will be nothing on that screen. I want to say how broken hearted I will be if things don't work out. I'd love to say that I realized over the weekend that I think it is too early to do things, to get obsessed, to start looking and making decisions. I remember how it broke my heart the last time. We had names, had decided on bedding and room decor. T wants to look, he is sooo excited for this baby and everything that comes along with it. I am also very afraid that we won't get to make our Disney trip. There is a pretty strong possibility that I have an incompetent cervix and could develop pre-eclampsia earlier in pregnancy this time and a trip to walk around 3-5 miles a day could just be way too much. I will feel horrible if we can't go but even if we are given the OK I think I will be too scared to really enjoy it. I just don't know how to feel, what to write, or even do.